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“Jon’s work is innovative and insightful. He has shown both excellent copywriting and creative skills and I would recommend him to anyone needing fresh ideas to give their campaigns a lift.”

Caroline Jones, Mind, London

Creating a powerful and emotive fundraising letter isn’t easy. But thankfully there is a wealth of Copywriting know-how available tothose who want to improve their persuasive writing skills.

This straightforward guide reveals ten of the most frequently used,tried-and-tested copywriting techniques.
If you ever find yourself writing or critiquing a fundraising letter,consider these ten simple rules. Yes, you can break the rules – but shouldn’t you know what they are first before you do?

Let’s start with the most important element first. The headline.

1. Give priority to the headline.
The power of the headline should never be underestimated. Think carefullyabout what would interest your reader and how you can draw them intoyour first paragraph. Here are some questions you can think about whencoming up with your headline:

• What is my audience interested in?
• Does my headline give them a reason to donate?
• Does my headline grab attention?
• Have I tried to speak directly and specifically to my audience?
• Does the headline make the reader want to read more?
• Is the headline easy to read?

Here are three alternative ideas for writing headlines:

1. Make the headline a complete and meaningful message.
2. Turn the headline into a “newsworthy” item
3. Teach the reader something new

And here are five headline pitfalls you may want toavoid:

1. Avoid being cute, clever and titillating, but irrelevant.
2. Be wary of misunderstandings, in-house jargon, double meanings,technical terms, colloquial, acronyms and abbreviations.
3. Don’t be overly concerned about being original. Start withthe “tried and tested” before trying new ideas that maynot work.
4. Avoid being clever for the sake of being clever.
5. Don’t fit a headline around a visual that has nothing to dowith what you’re fundraising for. Get the headline first thenmake the visual fit.

2. Make the first paragraph fantastic.
Too often, the first sentence and first paragraphs in fundraising lettersare badly designed. What a waste! Here are a couple of examples of badfirst sentences:

“Worldwide Earth Fund has over 211 aid workers, living andoperating in over 64 countries around the world. We enable developingcountries to reach their full potential, through agriculture, socialcare and Information Technology.”

This is a self-indulgent introduction. The first sentence is focusedon the organisation the writer is promoting. The problem is that mostpeople don’t give two hoots about how big your organisation is- nor do they care for mission statements. It’s who yourcharity serves that really matters. People don’t relate to numbersor corporate-speak. People relate to people.
Another example of bad introductions:

“I’m writing to you today about the impact of large-scaleindustrial waste and the long term detrimental effects that these by-productshave both on our local community and on the wider environment.”

This kind of sentence suffers in two ways. Firstly, it’s aimingat the reader’s intellect rather than their emotion. As a writerof any kind of response-driven letter, you should strongly think aboutthe reader’s emotional reaction to your words. Time and time againyou’ll get a better response with emotive copy rather than intellectual.

And secondly, the sentence rambles on for far too long and uses toomany uncommon and lengthy words. Most of the time it’s better towrite in a simple conversational style.

3. Keep sentences short and leave plenty of white space.
Most people feel overwhelmed by big chunks of text on a page. The averageperson prefers white space and short sentences. So watch out for long,rambled sentences and a cramped layout in your letter.

First impressions count with fundraising letters, so make the whitespace work for you. Remember: use nice big borders, nice paragraph returns,and “easy-to-read” sentences.

4. Use quotations where possible.
People like quotes. Not necessarily long quotes, but just enough speechto add colour. Quotations will help keep your letter personal and human.You could even consider using quotation marks in your headline.

5. Make the copy “you” focused.
This is an easy test to see if your copy is reader-focused. Go throughyour draft-letter line-by-line and see how many times you’ve said “I”, “me”, “my”, “we”,or “our”. Then see if you can turn these words around into “You”,and “Your” sentences.

Here’s a simple example: “We want to provide aid to peoplesuffering in Basingstoke.”

This sentence could become more reader-focused by changing it to “Youcan help us provide aid to the people suffering in Basingstoke.” Oras a question: “Will you help provide aid to people suffering inBasingstoke?”

6. Include testimonials.
Why not use more testimonials in your copy? It’s such a simpleand effective way to improve your credibility. Just make sure you getfull permission before you print the quotes.

7. Be specific rather than vague.
Being more specific adds to your writing credibility. Writing in vagueterms usually happens because the writer doesn’t know much aboutthe subject they’re talking about. Readers quickly pick up on thisand may become cynical towards the advert.
For example.

“The Worldwide Earth Fund helps feed starving children in Sudan.”

This could be changed into:

“Last year John, Esther, Moses and 600 other hungry childrenin Sudan were all fed by the Worldwide Earth Fund.”

8. Emphasise key words.

It’s great to emphasise words. Bold, underlining, italics andCAPITALS; all of them can aid the role of communication. But douse these techniques carefully.
For example, compare these two paragraphs:

Are you tired of noisy neighbours and loud late-night traffic?Are you longing for a good nights rest? Then why not try Silentnight’scomfy earmuffs? Independent tests have proven Silentnight earmuffscan reduce noise levels by up to 87%.

Emphasising entire sentences can help people who skim-read find theimportant sentences quickly. But on a negative side, this style of emphasismay put people off your letter because it reminds them of “salesletters” or “junk mail”.

How about this version of the same paragraph?

Are you tired of noisy neighbours and LOUD late-night traffic? Areyou longing for a good nights rest? Then why not try Silentnight’scomfy earmuffs? Scientists have proven Silentnight earmuffs can reduce noise levels byup to 87%.

Did you read this paragraph differently?

By picking out the words we naturally stress in conversation, it canmake the text appear more interesting to read. When used properly andin the right context, this style can make your writing appear more personaland lively.

9. Re-write your work as many times as you can.
No-ones writes perfectly the first time around. 99.9% of people willsee things they can improve when they re-read their own copy, especiallyafter taking a break. So re-write your own material again, andagain, and again.

10. Get someone else to read and comment on your copy.
Getting help from others will help you on at least two accounts: proof-readingand misunderstandings. Spilling errars are always an embarrassment. Andsomething which makes perfect sense to you may be interpreted differentlyby someone else. So always take the time to get your copy double-checked.

But one final word of warning: don’t be surprised when otherssuggest changes that you don’t agree with! Take criticism kindlybut remember you don’t have to change everything you’re toldto, especially if there is no logical reason behind the alteration.

As H.G. Wells once famously said; “No passion in the worldis equal to the passion to alter someone else’s draft.”

Jon Ireland has a post-graduate diploma from the Institute of DirectMarketing and the Institute of Copywriting.
© Jon Ireland Dip IDM, Flying Kite, 2005, 2009

University of Bristol Copywriting

Bristol university appeal copywriting

The first and possibly most important lesson I ever learnt about direct marketing turned my face red with embarrassment.

Several years ago, I went for my first job in fundraising. At that time, I was new to direct marketing and I had little experience in the charity sector. As the interview for the job was progressing, I was handed a simple test. This was the test I was given:

Two direct-mail fundraising packs were put in front of me. One was an A4 letter with an unbranded envelope, no gimmicks, no extras – it was a simple mailing about the charity and an ask for help. The second pack was a letter containing a questionnaire and a branded pen. The envelope had a bold headline and carried the charity’s branding throughout.

The second pack, I told the interviewers, looked like ‘junk mail’ and so that would probably be thrown straight in the bin. The first pack seemed to me more appealing.

I told them I’d choose the first pack. Well, isn’t that what any person like me would respond to?

And that was where I went wrong. Completely, red-faced wrong.

The first pack was the loser. The second pack I had judged to be ‘a bit naff’ turned out to be the charity’s most successful fundraising pack of ALL time!

I had fallen in to the trap of thinking I knew what OTHER people liked.

That day I learnt something that totally changed the way I would think about advertising, marketing and direct marketing: Never trust your own opinion!

Did you know?

• The ‘average’ Briton spends 16 hours a week listening to radio.
• On Christmas day 2005, Eastenders was the most popular British TV show¹
• The top Google search in February 2006
was ‘National Lottery’.
• One in four British adult smokes.²

I don’t listen to the radio, watch Eastenders, play the National Lottery or smoke. So according to national statistics, I’m not very average at all.

Are you average?

Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3.

In direct marketing, not trusting your own opinion is called ‘Testing’. It seems obvious when you say it, but Testing means being humble enough to realise you don’t know what everyone else thinks! Testing is where direct marketing has the advantage over traditional advertising techniques. It gives you the opportunity to adjust different elements of a campaign and compare the results.

Many of the best direct marketing campaigns come out of hard work, research and years and years of testing.

Derek Davies, principal Lecturer in direct marketing at Kingston University, proposed a list of six items that can be tested in your direct marketing campaigns.³ They are listed here in order with my comments added:

1. List (the database of contacts). Where have they come from? How are they grouped or ‘segmented’? What kind of people
   are they?
2. Offer. What’s the ‘big idea’ we’re trying to communicate?
3. Format. What kind of media are we using?
4. Creative. Can we make better use of our copywriting and design?
5. Response Mechanism. Is it easy for people to respond to us? What options are we giving them?
6. Timing. Is there a better time to communicate our message?

Testing can become pretty complicated, particularly if you start comparing several elements at the same time. But have no fear; even a little testing is better than no testing at all. How else will you ever know if your marketing could be better?

Stay in control

Many charities and organisations that heavily rely upon direct mail have ‘control’ packs. (The term can also apply to other media such as Direct Response TV or Internet banners.) These ‘controls’ are tried and tested creative elements that have proved successful over the years. Most testing will include a control of some sort.

Where do I start?

It’s never wasted time researching direct marketing campaigns that have proved successful for other organisations. Over time, many
direct marketing agencies have, through trial and error, created successful selling ‘techniques’. In most cases you’ll save yourself
a lot of time and trouble with just a little research into these campaigns.

One example is in the area of copywriting. A number of copywriting techniques have been tested over the years and it’s a good field to investigate when writing your first marketing campaign.

Here are ten popular copywriting tips to get you going.

1. Give priority to the headline
2. Make the first paragraph fantastic
3. Keep sentences short and leave plenty of white space
4. Use quotations where possible
5. Make the copy “you” focused
6. Include testimonials
7. Be specific rather than vague
8. Emphasise key words
9. Re-write your work as many times as you can
10. Get others to feedback

See my article for a more detailed explanation of these ten copywriting techniques.

Modern technology is making direct marketing more cost effective and more feasible than ever. Sophisticated databases, new media and new printing technologies are all making a difference. According the UK’s leading marketing magazine, direct marketing spend has tripled over the last ten years. ⁴

Are you using direct marketing to the fullest?

In answer to the question…

What makes for successful fundraising? Every charity is different. Size and type of charity will make a big difference to your approach and creative style. You may not find a one-box-fits-all solution, but using direct marketing techniques, old and new, you will find something that works for you and your charity. Just keep on testing!

1. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4560594.stm
2. The Indypedia, Facts and figures of Modern Life, 2006
3. Derek Davies, November 2002 IDM Lecture on ‘ Testing’
4. ‘Marketing’ magazine – 14 July 2004

© Jon Ireland 2006, 2009 (article first published in the Charity Organiser 2006)